Ode to Alphonse

I don’t know if you know me. You might not, this is the internet.

I love my cat.

I’m not strange about it, I just love her. I’m not a crazy cat lady (see below). If I’ve had a bit to drink, I might show a stranger a picture of Alphonse on my phone… My roommate might ask who I am talking to while alone in my room… I might forget to hang up the phone while leaving a voicemail for my friend, Andrew, and it might accidentally record me singing the entire “You Are My Sunshine,” to my little pumpkin… but I am decidedly not crazy.

Cat Lady

(Not me.)

Cat Lady 2

(Also not me.)

Anyway. I have been absent from the blogging world as of late. There is good reason.

Alphonse…. was sick. She was SO! sick. She wouldn’t eat, she couldn’t drink, she had no energy, and I bet she puked 25 times last week. I didn’t lose my cool because I hadn’t taken her to the vet yet, I was going to give it a few days to see if she’d just eaten something bad. I took her in on Black Friday, and fully expected them to give me a remedy and I’d be on my merry way. Instead, they hadn’t a clue as to what was causing her illness! They suggested an exploratory surgery (…$800.00), and if I didn’t do it that day, it would likely cost twice that much in an emergency-weekend-call. So I should do it now. That didn’t seem HIGHLY suspicious until later, because at that point my eyes were welling up as I said that there was no way I could afford to spend that much money on a cat I’d gotten for free, no matter how much I loved her.

I went out in the cold and bawled to Justin on the phone. I cried all the way home. I went to work puffy faced and all the Ecuadorian cooks asked if I had had too much drinky drinky last night. I bit all of their heads off/slash/glared at them with my bloodshot eyes.

We got Alphonse some anti-vomiting medicine, a little plastic syringe to shoot cat food smoothies (a patented Bernie Doffing concoction) down her little throat, and the Doffing clan crossed its fingers.

Alphonse, I am pleased to say, is getting better! She can eat, she can do #2, she can do it all. And thus, my return to my loyal blogging audience [of 8].

I am totally not crazy. It’s not like I devote entire blog posts to my precious. Meow Meow.



3 thoughts on “Ode to Alphonse

  1. Hey crazy cat lady. My never owning a cat and having an opinion – Cats behave instinctively and are habitual animals incapable of feelings, though a good belly rub will make them purr. So why do we get so emotionally attached? I guess because they become a family member over time, accepted and loved. I must be getting soft in my old age.

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