Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Sometimes I feel like I am on the Truman Show.

Sometimes I’m paranoid that people can read my mind. Sometimes I think The Universe has an itty bitty key to my itty bitty brain and does stuff it knows will make me jump. Sometimes I think it likes watching me scramble and freak out.

Oh, do I need to explain that further? I don’t think I will. I think it’s just evident that I’m crazy.

Today I feel as though no one could possibly pack a pinch more pizzaz into my chest. I started an application a while back to spend a year abroad in Italy as a nanny. It was something I *knew* I wanted one day, and something that felt far-fetched the next. It’s been a consideration of mine for so long… there have been days agonizing and fantasizing about this opportunity, but it always felt pretty far away. I kind of had the attitude where I thought, “Well, I might as well fill out the application and see where I am when it comes down to it – down the road.”

Tuesday is the T in the road, apparently. There lie – quite literally – two roads before me. Two similar yet opposite venues my life could take, and plenty of reasons to take [and not to take] each. Pro/Con lists FTW… or FTConfusion, really.

Anyhow, The Clash poses a good question.

Why do I feel the need to push this away!? Why am I flip flopping? Why am I so hesitant to grab hold of my dream and run with it? It’s a strange feeling to have the thing you’ve identified as the thing you want most in the world dangled in front of you. Right there. You can touch it. You’re apprehensive because you don’t know why you should deserve it; why it’s come so easily. But it’s there. Knock on wood. More soon.

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2 thoughts on “Should I Stay or Should I Go?

  1. andddddddddd i’ve never known you to be more ‘alive’ and ‘ms. alexandra doffing’ than during the time you were studying, living & experiencing life in italy.

    but, i also know, that if you stay – you have a great spirit & will be able to make the most of that opportunity as well.

    that’s my PRO PRO list for you. xo

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